


Finally One of the Boys

by numberbiscuit



Category: Football RPF
Genre: FTM, Gen, trans!Koke, transgender character, transgender footballer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-09 06:06:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7789561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/numberbiscuit/pseuds/numberbiscuit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SO! HI THERE! i had the idea to write a fic where Koke is a transguy and is finally allowed to play for the boys’ academy at Atleti as a teenager. so then this happened because i have a lot of feelings about trans!Koke and i wanted to write a fic involving a transguy that portrayed his experiences realistically whilst still being a fun and uplifting fic overall. :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i have no idea how many chapters this will end up having or how long it’ll take me to finish this (especially considering i have like soooo many works in progress right now...) but here’s to my first properly multi-chapter fanfic i’ve written in years, and my first longer work for the football fandom!
> 
> special mention to @smolgrizi from tumblr for the encouragement for me to actually write this!

Today was the first day of training for the new season. But not just any new season - this would be Koke’s first day training with the boys’ team.

Koke got out of bed, smiling nervously at the thought. It had taken him a long time to get to sleep the previous evening, his excitement keeping him up long after he’d settled down comfortably. Today would be a big day, one that had been a long time coming.

He had finally worked up the courage and the self-confidence to let most of the people around him know he really was a transgender boy. It had taken a lot of persuasion and organising, seeing as he was the first person to do it, but the management at Atletico de Madrid had finally approved his transfer over to the boys’ youth academy.

So, Koke opened the curtains, smiling as the sunshine flooded in through his bedroom window. He took off the t-shirt he’d been sleeping in and put on a binder. He picked out a clean pair of boxers and continued getting dressed.

He wasn’t even running late, but he made sure he had everything he needed in his sports bag and enthusiastically made his way down the stairs. Opening a kitchen cupboard, he found his favourite muesli and got some milk out of the fridge.

He couldn’t help but wonder whether he’d have an even bigger appetite once he started taking testosterone in a few months time, he already felt like he was having to eat more since he stepped up his fitness routine. Just before the summer holidays, he’d had lots of conversations with the boys’ coaches and he was aware that the other boys his age already had testosterone in their bodies, so they could be in better physical shape with less effort. But Koke didn’t mind. He knew the hard work would be more than worth it.

He left a quick note on the kitchen counter to let his parents know he’d set off for training a bit earlier than usual since it was his first day and he wanted to be out of the changing rooms and on the pitch talking to his new coaches as soon as possible. Simply put, he couldn’t wait to get started. If he had been enthusiastic about football before he was allowed to change teams, he was even more passionate now.

Luckily, the training grounds weren’t far from where he lived at all, so he could always walk. He set off at a brisk pace, enjoying the cool air and the early morning sunlight.

Soon enough, he’d arrived. He was the first one there, just like he expected. After all, he was there at least 20 minutes before he really needed to be. But he was nervous, and he knew that extra time would calm him. And as a bonus, being the only one there would make him feel less awkward getting changed in a boys’ changing room for the first time.

In fact, he almost walked right into what was now the wrong changing room out of habit, suddenly even more glad he’d made it there early. When he walked into the other door, he was reluctant to admit to himself that he breathed a sigh of relief at the fact he was the only guy inside. Out of curiosity (and perhaps as a measure to avoid him doing anything silly when he wasn’t alone next time), he had a quick look around. The layout was pretty much the same as inside the girls’ changing room, except that there was a mildly intimidating row of urinals instead of a load of extra toilet stalls. And thank goodness the showers really did have individual stalls with curtains like he was told during the lengthy discussion with the club’s management. He could do this. And it really would be okay.

What took Koke by surprise is just how normal he felt in the other changing room. He’d expected the change of habit to be more noticeable, but it was like he’d walked straight back into normality. As though things hadn’t been normal before. But then again, that was a pretty accurate statement. Living as a girl never did feel quite like a normal, comfortable life, however hard Koke had tried until he was about 15.

Without further delay though, he put down his sports bag and got changed, leaving his binder on. No changes there - ever since he’d gotten his binder he’d never felt comfortable going out in any kind of situation that involved other people without it, even before it was public knowledge that he was in fact a boy. He also got changed quickly, perhaps primarily out of nervousness. That wasn’t any different either, except that now he didn’t feel the need to escape the changing room in the same hurry as he always had before.

When he was finally dressed, he put everything else into his sports bag neatly and made his way towards the pitch. He did briefly think about turning around and fiddling with his bag. Did the boys normally put their stuff in their bags neatly? Would that make him stand out? Would they wonder who on earth would get changed really early and then do something abnormal like that? He shoved those unwelcome thoughts out of his mind before he got too stressed out about it and went to greet his new coaches.

"Goodmorning Koke, you’re early!" Simeone said.

"Goodmorning coach, it’s good to be back playing football" Koke replied, ignoring the fact that his voice sounded higher than he would have liked, especially compared to his new teammates.

"Well, I can’t fault your enthusiasm at all, young man."

Koke beamed a huge smile at that, jogging over to go and fetch a ball from one of the bags and dribbling it around aimlessly. This was all off to rather a good start, Koke thought to himself. He wasn’t just on time, but was early, hadn’t made a fool of himself yet and had been gendered correctly in a very obvious way from the start. He couldn’t be happier, with things turning out even better than he’d dare hope for.

"Since you’re here, would you mind helping me set up? The rest of the team will be arriving soon." Simeone said, pointing at the training hurdles.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how this even happened so fast, but here we go. Chapter 2! I just... I love writing about trans!Koke. It’s honestly so nice and I just want to hug him <3
> 
> This is basically what happened during the training session, continuing on from where we left off in the last chapter! :)
> 
> Also lol sorry these chapters don't have individual titles, I couldn't think of one that sounded good and I was happy with, so I just left that out. I swear I'm not usually this clueless about coming up with titles for stuff haha...

After Koke was introduced to the rest of his teammates, the rest of the training session went by as usual. Koke focussed hard, directing his thoughts away from distractions and towards executing all his drills with precision. He was desperate to impress his new teammates and coaches, and prove to them that all the chaos of him switching to the boys’ academy was worth it.

There was a 5-a-side practise match at the end of the session, and as one of the oldest and most experienced in his age bracket, Koke was picked as one of the team captains. He couldn’t have been prouder. Maybe the coaches just wanted to be sure to integrate him into the team properly. But that sure as hell was working. Or maybe they just wanted to check Koke wouldn’t be the last one to get picked by one of the captains, but Koke ignored that as a possibility. There was nothing worse than being picked last - but now he’d be the one picking people and it would all be fine.

He didn’t really know too much about the other boys, wasn’t sure what positions they played best and how he should best get himself a good mixture of attackers and defenders.

Koke was the second to pick. He selected the guy he’d been standing next to in line for most of the drills - he seemed particularly skilful with the ball, if the limited attention Koke had been playing to the others served him correctly. Maybe he’d be good as a versatile player. They could cover the midfield together.

"Hey" he said, as he walked up to Koke with a smile. "I’m saúl. You’re the new guy. Koke, right?"

"Yeah" he replied with a slight blush, his stomach crawling with excitement at the first time a teammate had called him by his proper name. It wasn’t really that big of a deal considering Saúl hadn’t previously known him by any other name, but it was still a landmark. At least it felt like one, even if it was something small. But he urged himself to say something intelligent-sounding and preferably football-related before he made a fool of himself. "Do you think we can cover the midfield together?"

"Sure! I saw you during the drills, you look like a great player, howcome you’re only joining the academy now?"

Koke loved Saúl’s enthusiasm, and he seemed really friendly, but he wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that question. He kept smiling back at the other boy.

"Let’s just say it’s a long story" he said, hoping that’d settle his query as he eyed up the remaining players wondering who might make a good striker.

Soon enough, the match was underway, with Koke and Saúl both playing in the starting lineup. Saúl was making some fantastic passes to Koke, and Koke even managed to score a goal. Saúl had hugged him in celebration, cheering him on. It just felt so great to not only be playing with other boys, but to be doing a good job of it too. And for his hard work to be acknowledge on top of that! He was thrilled he’d found a player he gelled with on the pitch so easily.

As the match went on, all the reasons today was such a big deal for Koke were forgotten and he felt like he was playing some of the best football of his life so far. He just felt free, running about on the pitch and working closely with Saúl to keep possession of the ball and constantly create opportunities for goals.

Needless to say, plenty of those opportunities were converted into actual goals and Koke and Saúl’s team had won the match by the time the whistle blew. Koke’s team ran over towards their goalkeeper and put their arms around each other in a giant group hug. They could hardly stop themselves smiling.

"Well done, Koke. You played really well today. And I’m so glad to see you playing so fluidly alongside your new teammate Saúl" Simeone said, patting him on the back. "You’ve made a great start to the season."

"Thanks" Koke said as Simeone continued walking around the pitch giving feedback to all the players. But he couldn’t help but feel just a little bit flustered at the compliment, and he did wonder for a moment whether Simeone could feel his binder through his shirt. Not that it really mattered, but the thought was there.

Koke stalled for a moment, gazing around the pitch. Most of the other boys were heading back towards the changing rooms, and Koke couldn’t help but deliberately lag behind. In fact, he changed his mind altogether and walked back towards Simeone.

"Anything I can do to help?" he asked nervously, vaguely hoping he’d be able to legitimately keep himself occupied until the changing rooms emptied out a little.

Simeone turned around from where he stood and smiled. "No thank you, you were already so helpful thismorning. None of the other boys usually help at all, so your enthusiasm was lovely to see"

Koke looked down at his feet in response, not knowing what to do with himself. There he was, making himself look silly. At least the others were already occupied getting changed and it was only Simeone.

"Hey, is everything okay, Koke?" he asked gently.

"Uhm, yeah" Koke said, trailing off. What else was he supposed to say? Dammit. By now his nerves were probably showing through again. So much for how happy he was to have won the stupid training match.

"Are you sure about that? I’m conscious that this was a big day for you."

Koke nodded. He continued angling his stare down towards his feet.

"If there’s anything you need to tell me or if anything is happening that you’re uncomfortable with I’m here for you, okay?" When Koke didn’t respond, Simeone continued. "Talk to me."

"I just… It’s silly. Don’t worry about it, coach. I’ll go and get changed now."

Simeone gave him a reassuring smile, but raised his eyebrows slightly as though asking if he wanted to elaborate any further. But Koke made the painful decision against saying anything that could potentially make his embarrassment any worse.

"Okay then. See you again tomorrow for the full practise match! I’ll put you and Saúl in the midfield in the starting line-up. If you two can pull off anything close to what you managed today, that would be fantastic. Is that okay?"

Koke nodded. "Thanks" he said, trying not to mumble. He reminded himself that this rather one-sided conversation could have gone a lot worse.

He turned around and slowly made his way back to the changing rooms. That discussion with Simeone felt like it could have been going on for hours by the time it ended. The others were probably changed by now anyway.

He took a deep breath and walked towards the boys’ changing room, perhaps trying a little bit too hard to imagine that he was wearing a packer right now. Maybe he should have worn one. Shit, what if the fact he didn’t have a bulge was questioned by anyone? Koke knew most dudes minded their own business in the changing rooms and that it would probably be fine. He’d thought through this hundreds of times before. But things were always more difficult when it came down to actually trying to calm his nerves prior to something like this.

With a push, he opened the door to the changing room and walked inside. He tried not to look too relieved at the fact it was empty - apart from Saúl. Koke smiled in his direction, and Saúl smiled back as he finished putting his shirt on.

"Hey Koke" he said in greeting.

"Hey Saúl" he said, smiling at the way it sounded when the other boy said his name.

"What did coach want to talk to you about? Is everything okay?"

"Oh, yeah, everything is fine, he just wanted to talk to me a little bit about the match tomorrow" Koke answered. That was the truth. It just wasn’t the whole truth. But he didn’t honestly think Saúl would doubt him on that.

"So, spill the beans! What did he say?" Saúl said, smiling as usual.

"He said he wanted to see us two in the midfield for the starting line-up, and if we played like we did today he’d be really happy"

Saúl was clearly delighted at that. "That’s great! We’re going to make a great team in the midfield, even if I usually play more defensively"

"You’re usually a defender? I had no idea, I hope I haven’t taken you out of your usual position or anything" Koke said, feeling more guilty than was really warranted for the situation.

"No, it’s fine, we made some great passes today and if we can do that again tomorrow… Anyway, I’m going home now. See you tomorrow, buddy!"

Saúl turned around, putting his sports bag over his shoulder and walked towards the exit, Koke smiling as his eyes followed him.

Maybe he should give himself more credit. After all, everyone had been happy with his performance at the debut training session.

He got changed as quickly, as usual, and thought about tomorrow’s match all the way home. His parents would be so proud to watch him play, and to hear how well his first day at training had gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think of this! :D
> 
> If you have any cool ideas for what to include in this fic then comment and let me know! (especially if you're a transguy yourself, I know how nice it is to be able to read about all the little things... and that's kinda what I'm aiming to cover with this fic)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today is matchday for Koke! It's his first match on the boys' side. :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The level of nervousness Koke has about doing things as a guy (e.g. changing rooms) is a bit stronger in this chapter, especially towards the end. In the next chapter that's gonna get stronger, and there's gonna be a little bit of dysphoria-related stuff in the next chapter. I won't make it really angsty and horrible though, and I'll make sure there's a good ending at the next chapter, even if poor Koke has to go through some stuff first. I do want to keep this fic as a mostly positive one. But it can't be an easy ride all the way, yanno, so that there's an actual plot. And being trans for real isn't exactly the easiest of paths in life, and I want to portray it with a decent degree of realism. Just to warn you all... :)

That night Koke lay awake for a long time before he went to sleep, grinning a goofy smile up towards the ceiling. He’d really done it: made it into the boys’ team. The summer break from training and the long build-up had almost created the illusion that it’d never happen for real. But now it really had. And tomorrow would be his first game on the boys’ side.

His mind let him visualise goals he could score, passes he could make, free spaces he could dribble the ball into. His smile grew even wider. There was nothing quite like going to sleep excited for the next day. He felt like a little kid again, as if it were the day before his birthday or something. Or the day before the first proper match he ever played in.

Eventually, his eyelids drooped shut, his mind now free to dream. By the time morning came, he was sure he’d dreamt something involving Saúl, playing football, and wandering around the changing room without a shirt on. It had been a long time since Koke had last been that excited about a football match.

He looked at the clock when he first woke up. He still had almost 20 minutes until his alarm would go off. But he felt surprisingly energetic given how early it still was, pushed the covers down and got out of bed. Mindlessly, he searched through his underwear drawer, thinking about what he should wear. It was tempting to just set off and walk to the training grounds already in his kit. That way he could skip the changing rooms. Maybe he felt a bit more anxious about this whole thing than he wanted to admit.

He closed the drawer again, procrastinating his decision on what to wear. He felt silly doing that, but he knew that some hot chocolate and toast might wake him up a bit more so he could get a grip and get on with it. So he went downstairs to get some breakfast, still just in boxers and a t-shirt.

Breakfast was nothing special, Koke just nibbled on his toast pensively. Perhaps he really would pull off some good football and Simeone really would be happy with his performance. Maybe he'd manage to not make a complete fool of himself and not do anything stupid.

Koke felt as though he was rushing to clear up after himself once he’d finished eating. It was as though his subconscious was chasing him out of the house so he could get to the match early. In fact, he managed to convince himself that it really would be a good idea to leave the house already wearing his matchday kit to save time. He did pack a spare change of normal clothes though, just in case. And he put a packer in his underwear. Just because. Maybe turning up early make him look enthusiastic, even if Simeone might be able to see right through him like a clear glass window.

Which is exactly what happened when Koke walked up to the pitch already changed. Simeone was already there, of course, talking to the referee. And of course he looked up when Koke approached. And of course he noticed that he was already changed.

Simeone quickly stopped chatting to the referee, excusing himself and walking over towards Koke. Once again, Koke found himself looking down at his football boots sheepishly.

"Goodmorning Koke!" Simeone said in a slightly over-excited tone.

"Hi Mr. Simeone" Koke replied, looking up at him.

"You’re early again, and I see you’ve come prepared!" he said, smiling. Koke nodded. Simeone pulled him further towards the edge of the pitch, away from the referee who seemed to be checking his stopwatch was working. "Could I just talk to you for a moment?"

"Sure" Koke said. He felt he could trust Simeone. But he would really rather not have a difficult or mildly awkward talk just before his first match. He wanted to be able to focus on football from the start, and not have his thoughts occupied with anything else.

Simeone looked down at him, his eyes turning more serious. "Koke, I have to say I admire your enthusiasm for turning up early, but I have to wonder why you’ve done it twice in a row now, despite the fact that the rest of the team turns up just about on time at best, and certainly not already changed." Koke nodded, looking back down again. The soft grass beneath his feet and the white painted sideline suddenly seemed awfully interesting. He almost dreaded whatever Simeone was going to ask him.

"I’m sorry if this is a personal thing to remark on, and I’m going to have to apologise further if I’m wrong, but are you trying to avoid the changing rooms?" Simeone asked, gazing straight at him.

"Ehrm… I don’t know." Koke said, avoiding his coach’s eyes. He knew he sounded like a complete idiot. What kind of an answer was that? It was a yes or no question, for goodness sake.

"Koke, you can trust me. I just want you to feel comfortable with the rest of the team. But you can’t really avoid the changing rooms forever, especially not at away games."

"Okay, maybe I have been avoiding the issue. It’s just that this is all still a big thing for me." Koke was terrified. He'd been honest. Which is what Simeone seemed to be after, but he worried about what he might say in response to that. He didn’t want to be the special snowflake that couldn’t cope with everyday things like getting changed. For goodness sake, he was at a football academy! He had always wanted to be a professional footballer, and now it was the silliest of tiny things that was getting in his way.

"I know. And that’s okay. Do you think you’ll be able to ease into it? Would it help if I explained your situation to the rest of the team?"

"No, please don’t tell them" Koke replied immediately, looking straight up, his eyes full of fear. Now he was aching with nerves. He knew it was more than possible that they could find out anyway. It would happen eventually. "I’ll get changed with everyone else after the match" he babbled. He desperately hoped he wasn’t biting off more than he could chew here.

"Okay, I won’t tell the team then. Look, don’t worry about that for now. Think about the match, stay focussed on playing football. That’s what really matters here. I know it’s easier said than done, but please don’t put too much pressure on yourself, Koke. Try your best in the match today, have fun with the other boys, and don’t pay any attention to the changing rooms until the time comes. Alright?"

Koke nodded. "The others will be arriving soon, and so will our opponents. How about you go and run a lap around the pitch to warm up and then you can start stretching early?"

"Okay. Thanks Mr. Simeone" he replied, setting off at a jog straight away. He pushed the topic of conversation as far out of his mind as he could and focussed on his breathing. It was nice being back on a football pitch, after all. By the time he’d gotten back to his starting point, his binder was already feeling tighter than usual as he regained his breath. But he valiantly ignored it and started stretching, willing himself to just calm down. In no time, the rest of his team and their opponents had gone into the changing rooms and had come back out again, and were sent off on their lap of the pitch. Koke just kept on stretching gently. Extra flexibility could never be a bad thing.

Just as he was stretching his wrists (did he really need to stretch his wrists? No, but he was doing it anyway.), he felt someone tap him on the back. It was Saúl, beaming up at him, still catching his breath. "Hey!" he said in greeting.

Koke smiled. Someone with a smile that bright was hard to resist smiling back at. "Hi" he replied.

"Ready for the game?"

"Hell yeah." he said, suddenly feeling a bit bolder.

"Are your parents watching?"

"Yeah, they’re somewhere up in the stands I think. They said they’d come, but I left the house before they woke up"

"Seriously? I got here in my parents’ car" Saúl replied. "I did almost oversleep though"

Saúl joined in with the stretching for a short while, before all the players lined up on the pitch ready for kick-off. Saúl and Koke stood side by side in the midfield, and gave each other a determined glance right before the whistle blew.

And then it was game on. The other team started off with the ball, and the Atleti players ran forward, Koke already watching for any opportunity to intercept a pass and regain possession. He focussed hard, trying to take it all in and keep an overview of where everyone was.

He saw one of the opponents pass to someone standing near him, and he ran towards the other player, blocking the pass. The ball rolled away from them, but Koke got there first, and looked up again, passing straight to Saúl. He saw a striker run forward. He followed, trying to find some space in the wings so the ball could be sent to him directly if needed.

And then Saúl passed to him, and he passed the ball on, and a goal was scored. The ball soared through the air and landed right in the back of the net. Everyone on the team cheered, including Koke. The striker who had given the ball its final touch before it landed in the goal ran towards him and engulfed him in a hug. Koke couldn’t stop smiling.

The match continued, the whole team enthused by their early goal. By the time half time came around, The Atleti under 16s were in the lead 2-1.

Koke couldn’t have been prouder. He felt like he’d done a good job. But now he needed to take a break and recover. He wandered back towards the dugout, and spotted his parents sitting in the stands, waving at him. He waved back. They seemed to be making their way down to see him.

"Hey, well done!" his dad said. "We saw your assist for that early goal, you did great!"

Koke nodded, hugging him.

"We’ll go and sit down again now and leave you with your team mates" his mum said. "But we’re really proud of you, okay?"

"Thanks" he said, waving as they walked back towards their seats.

"Were those your parents?" Saúl said, walking up to him and handing him a water bottle.

"Yeah. Thanks, by the way" he replied, gesturing with the bottle.

It was good to have a drink. He didn’t dare do the thing that loads of other boys seemed to be doing where they spat the water out again, but was grateful for the reminder to stay hydrated.

The second half of the match was less eventful, with no goals scored by either team, and at the end the Atleti boys had a giant group hug, celebrating their first win of the season.

"Good game, everyone" Simeone said. "We won, and we got this season’s team playing some minutes, which is the most important thing. There are some things we need to work on in training, but on the whole I’m really happy with the way we played today"

The group dispersed again, leaving Saúl and Koke to high-five each other. "And a special well done to you too. You made a great duo in the midfield! If you’re both happy with your positions, I’ll keep you there for the next few matches and see how far we can get, is that alright?"

The two teenagers nodded vigorously, glancing at one another and then back at Simeone.

"Come on, let’s go and get changed" Saúl said, walking off the pitch, with Koke following him close behind.

And then things started caving in a bit. Koke had followed Simeone’s advice. He’d completely forgotten about all the other stuff. And now he had a few seconds at most to contemplate what was about to happen. He tried to gather his nerves. At least Saúl seemed to be hanging around him. He just hoped he could keep his own annoying thoughts to himself and not let them spill over so Saúl would notice.

Saúl walked into the changing room first, and Koke kept his head down. Everyone else was in there. The entire goddam team. Koke suddenly realised that he’d left his sports bag in the dugout. He mentally slapped himself in the face. How could he be so forgetful?

"Uhm, Saúl, I’m just gonna go fetch my stuff" Koke said. "I left it… ehrm… in the dugout."

Saúl laughed. "Seriously?! How did you end up leaving it there?" he asked light-heartedly.

Koke shook his head, looking down at his boots again. "Don’t even ask" he said, wandering back out onto the pitch to fetch it.

"Everything okay?" Simeone asked as he approached the shelter.

"Yeah, I just forgot that I left my stuff here" Koke said.

"Oh. Okay then" Simeone said, giving him a reassuring smile.

Koke had to stop himself from running as he made his way back into the changing room. That would just make him look even more silly.

Saúl was still standing in the same place when Koke got back, but he was shirtless. Koke’s heart was beating rapidly as a wave of jealousy ran through him. By the time Koke had finished opening his bag, Saúl had a towel wrapped around him and was making his way towards the showers.

Koke settled on taking off his shorts, suddenly relieved he’d worn a packer that day. He wrapped a towel around his waist, still in his boxers and his shirt, and made his way towards the showers, praying nobody would notice that he wasn't practically naked like everyone else was.

He shut the shower cubicle door behind him and breathed a sigh of relief.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments (as long as they're respectful) more than welcome! :D


End file.
